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When the Past Becomes Present

Our lives are multi-dimensional. The past, the present, and the future are all linked to now because that's all we have. Sometimes the past becomes present when something triggers a memory to surface. This happened to me recently and I want to share my experience. Maybe you have also experienced something similar... Yesterday I forced myself to sit down in a dentist's chair. I have always feared going to the dentist, so much so that I once even bit a dentist, who was trying to force my mouth open when I was 6-years old. Now I'm less dangerous for my dentist but I do avoid dentist visits as much as I can. This time wasn't an exception, it had taken me some time to pull my courage together. I signed the papers and told them specifically what I wanted and didn't want. The first visit had gone just fine. So, when I had my next visit and sat in the chair again, I felt complete trust towards the dentist. However, my mouth was full of dental equipment when I realized that something was going badly wrong. I just wanted to run away but I couldn't move... The helplessness that somebody was doing something to my body that I didn't want was paralyzing me. Something that can't be reversed or healed. It caused huge emotional turmoil. I felt violated.The dentist stopped as he saw the turmoil in my eyes. He freed my mouth from the equipment. All I wanted to do was cry. Somewhere along the line, there had been a breakdown in communication. The dentist had been unaware of my instructions and had started to shape my tooth for the crown. Now it was too late to reverse it, I needed to go for the crown. I had to sit there and let them finish what they had started. There was a sincere apology. I heard that it came from the heart and accepted it. My mind accepted that what had been done was for the best interest of the tooth, but I was still in torment.I burst to tears when I got into my car. I sobbed for a moment before forcing myself to get a grip on myself, so that I could drive home where I allowed myself to collapse onto the bed and weep. The pain and hurt was surfacing from deep down. It made me realize that this was not only about my tooth. The events at the dentist had been a trigger, they had opened a door to emotions that I had not been able to process in past lives. A flood of uncried tears and stuffed down feelings of deep emotional pain surfaced. As I allowed myself to feel them, I got flashbacks from a past life memory that had also been one of my worst recurring nightmares. It was so vivid that for years it had made me look over my shoulder, living in fear that someone was coming to get me. That lifetime I had been in a situation where I had been at the mercy of someone and experienced mutilation before I died. I had carried over judgments and unprocessed emotions to this life but they were now ready to be released.I could not change what had happened back then or even now, but I knew I could make peace with it, as soon as I requested Light from my trusted friends and then started my five step method to detox the past hurt. I acknowledged my emotions and let them run their course. All I did was to hold myself and allow all this turmoil to come out. Even the deepest pain cannot be maintained at the same level of intensity forever. There came a point when I felt calmer and the flood was only a rivulet that was drying up. It now felt easier to accept that these things had happened. I pondered the meaning that I had given to these events in the past and how it had affected my whole worldview. I noticed how the familiar thinking pattern of, 'How could God allow this?' emerged, it brought up bitterness that I had needed to experience this. How could we be so cruel to each other? Certain aspects of free will have been a struggle for me to understand. They tested my faith and made me doubt God's existence, but we have free will and hence we can choose our actions. There is an old adage that "hurt people hurt people". It seems that misery likes company. We might aim to go against each other but at the end of the day we are only going against ourselves. Unresolved issues are like toxins that poison us. We have a choice, though -- it is possible to resolve them by making peace with the past. I knew that these events had tested my faith. I had felt like God had slammed a door in my face, I had taken it very personally. I had been like a toddler having a tantrum when things didn't go her way and a loving parent would be looking at me through the eyes of compassion and unconditional loving. Instead of fighting against what had happened, I chose to look at these situations from my Soul's perspective. I realized that I had chosen to carry bitterness and unfairness, now I had an opportunity to overcome them. I worked on releasing my judgments through compassionate self-forgiveness. Once I had done that it was easier to tap into the learning that I had gained through these experiences. I had learned about free will and how we can carry unresolved issues through time. Now I had a choice to continue carrying my hurt or choose to let go of it. I made a conscious choice to let go and welcomed healing grace. I started to notice how a sparkle of gratitude appeared, I had been able to heal. Even the deepest hurt can be healed at any given moment, it is never too late to detox your past.

When the Past Becomes Present 1

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